Have you ever been in a situation where you are desperate to say “no” to someone asking for your help but “yes” comes out of your mouth as your brain goes into the “must please others at any cost” mode?
I used to! All the time! I never felt I mattered enough to give priority to my own needs; my friends, relatives and colleagues needed me so I had to help to be worthy of their love and/or respect. As a result, I always felt drained, resentful, disappointed with myself and fed up with being such a door-mat! I also hated the fact the same people would have no hesitation or guilt saying “no” to me.How can you expect others to respect, love and value you if you do not respect, love and value yourself?
Well, guess what! YOU are in charge of your feelings and of your life! Follow the 5 five steps bellow to banish the people pleaser in you by remaining the kind and helpful person you always were:
1. You matter! Before saying “yes” to everyone asking for help, ask yourself this simple question: “Do I genuinely want to help or am I worried they will stop liking me if I say “no”?
2. It is in your power to replace the fear, guilt and negative feelings with confidence, happiness and positive energy. To be in a better place and not worry about what you think others will think of you, exercise! Go for a walk, a jog, a swim, a bicycle ride or a Pilates session.
3. Focus on how you react when people say “no” to you. Do you automatically reject them and feel disappointed or do you simply feel “that’s ok, they are obviously busy”? What makes you feel people would react differently to you saying “no” to them?
4. Practice Mindfulness to bring your thoughts back to the present. No point remembering the past and worrying about the future, you have no control over either. Instead, focus your energy on how good you will feel being able to do the things you want to do as opposed to helping someone else achieve their dream.
5. It takes 21 days for a new trait of character to become a habit so practise this exercise every single day for three weeks to change your behaviour: Stand in front of your mirror and say out loud “I matter and so do my needs so I will only say “Yes” when I want to and not as a default answer!”
If you would like to find out more about being in the driving seat of your own life, contact me today on 078023126487 or at firstname.lastname@example.org for your free discovery call.
Go on, say “Yes” to You for once!